"Today I send you love. I wonder if you will receive it./I would have gone crooked but for you"

I sat on this for a week before I did the second draft. Laziness is my excuse. I like it. I wrote this in a meeting, for whatever reason I was thinking about porn. It seems a bit vicious in places but I think it's pretty decent.

"lovers don't learn"

when all the pornography that will
ever be made has been made
i will gaze upon your memory anew
my lusts will reassert themselves
and i will go stumbling after your flesh

i fixate on impossible things
i elected to be damaged
to reject you with false starts and liquor bottles
but i have my nights when i would remember nothing else
the t.v. gets into my head and i'm groping again at love

the house we built with soft words and nervous caresses
was made of straw but we didn't know
we thought we were as eternal as any eighteen year old boy
we flung ourselves at the world and
were dumbstruck and numbed when we went uncelebrated

finally and firmly we fell apart
went back into our corners
to lick our wounds and repair
off to do it again, eventually
lovers don't learn, not a single lesson

I'm listening to Diane Cluck's "Oh Vanille", again. Jesus, I don't think I've listened to this record on a regular basis since 2005. The strange thing is that it still sounds as beautiful and vital now as it did then. Strange badly recorded folk music with vocals that would annoy the hell out of anyone not accustomed to whiny, slightly off vocals. The songs get through, though. This is an album for the ages.

maybe you should've let me drown

I lied. No update from SF as I'm home now. SF was fun. A lot of walking. An insane amount of walking, actually. Thinking about a lot of stuff. Talking with my uncle made me realize how much I've changed and how much I continue to change. Interesting. Jeffy is trying to grow up and apparently is succeeding somewhat.
Can't figure out how to turn the underline off, goddamnit.
Song of the moment: Kristin Hersh - Speedbath can't stop listening to it.. again. 

Flying to Oakland. They're calling my plane soon which kind of  bums because I wanted to ramble incoherently for a while. Update from San Francisco, probably.