I am sorry to say I have no obscure indie rock lyrics for you today but I am listening to the first Geese record which must count for something

 3/22/26 9:41 am

I did threaten to publish another entry here soon. I am making good on that. 

Mostly I just wanted to get to the point I was making but never actually got around to

the last couple of months I haven't been finishing a lot of poems. I don't even want to think about how much unfinished stuff I have sitting in Google Docs but it is definitely more than I typically do. 

there are thinga that are definitely best left unfinished but there may be some good stuff that i’ll eventually finish. occasionally I will find something in the archives and I will suddenly know exactly how to complete it it is wonderful when that happens but it would be even nicer if I didn't have so much incomplete stuff. It kind of drives me nuts.

 but 

Then there is stuff like this. I don't understand how I wrote something like this. Practice, sure, but sometimes it feels like I am channeling something. the gods can be kind. 

. 

“to die, anytime soon

(1)

do you remember that?

we were getting high

[of course)

we were arguing

about nonsensical bullshit

 [its what we do]

then you blinked

Iong and suddenly 

like you could see

things 

that i obviously could not

(acting nervous]

it was like your sky 

had gone completely blank

(fidgety) 

I looked at you 

trying to hold onto your shit

(fidgety)

trying to process 

all of a whole lot of noise 

(fidgety)

all at once, it seemed

probably, crawling out of a cave, and 

seeing the sun for the first time 

(what are we going to do with ourselves)

would drive a human stark mad

talking to your homies 

later, won’t do at all

(we could live)

you're fucked off, on one, as always

people will giggle

make jokes as about hallucinations 

then they will try to put you to bed

(for decades yet)

you've been into

so much worse 

can't tell me no less

(don't be so precious)

there was that time 

you were god 

for 12 days straight 

(sometimes things will be larger) 

i almost dragged you to psych myself

(sometimes they will be smaller)

you never did stop laughing 

(2)

whether it moved, or no

you would have tried to fuck everything  

if i hadn't stayed awake to calm you

nevermind, i don't 

recall what i was on, just 

it was a lot, i thought 

i was christ, until 

i noticed

there were no holes in my wrists

so whose messiah

am I to be, then?

go look at the wind

i will lay here, i will 

convince myself to be better 

we will take turns 

going crazy, but

maybe one day

we can be healthy

(3)

it is the sound of shock

or brittle leaves crushed 

(your god)

amplifying eternity 

everything gets louder

(keeps)

and faster

and brighter 

(to theirself)

was it ever possible

(hold me)

to be still

(hold me)

and quiet

(ok then, as you have asked)

surrounded by darkness?

(I will stop talking)

(4)

seemed out of nowhere 

someone shrieked 

yelped: “surprise bitches!”, but

my friends, and i

we were not surprised 

not a bit, nothing, anymore

surprises any of us, kind of 

not at all

sometimes people i love

have gone away, to exist

in a fashion, other 

than that i was accustomed to

i remembered that i cannot touch you 

in any of the ways

you used to sometimes let me touch you

(5)

there, you see it?

it floats, stuttering 

(is not)

raising the temperature

(mary magdalene’s tits)

making us nervous 

what does that cloud remind you of?

(nothing so blessed)

a gun 

(we are here) 

may startle you 

a cop 

(we're thinking we must be)

may fuck you in the ass

(the punchline to a joke)

your god, however 

(told by our betters)

would not sit at our table

i remember way back when you had faith

(disease)

you did not like it 

( discomfort)

now yours is mine, and 

(delusion)

everything is so much worse 

(6)

i want to go to sleep, but in that there is still 

the problem of waking up

i don't think i would

mind death, but

if i bring it on myself too quickly

it will just be so much more giving up

i do not like to quit, i am 

not a quitter, see me

with anything, i will take anything 

way past the logical extreme

digging in the dirt, high 

on drugs, i'm going

to take more, i do not plan

to sleep

or to die

anytime soon

Here is another long one. I like to bang away at things until I feel I have exhausted the subject. It may be repetitious but if I feel like I haven't said all I have to say about something i will continue yelling about it until I feel I have. 

My obsessions being what they are there are things I will probably never get tired of writing about.

are you done? 

no. absolutely not.

oh yeah, last thing. the fifth line group of section 4  is a riff on "seed song" by the mountain goats. no, I am giving  myself way too much credit here. let me be honest. I took the entire  damn verse whole cloth and changed exactly one word. 

that reminds me. Did you know  you can  take the word "love" out of pretty much any pop song you can think of then replace it with the word "drugs" and it will be  666% better? i can't think of many things that couldn't be improved with drugs.

“drug poem # 4 (the damn thing)”

(1)

i am on a mission from the gods

i have been sents many drugs as i can

my psyche has been engineered 

to deal with as much trauma as possible 

very much

i have been losing my mind

on purpose, in protest

i have been taking quite a lot

while i am going insane 

i am going to take the

whole damn thing 

or try, you won't 

see me going, but you'll know when i'm gone

someone will shout

“they blew the whole damn thing”!

that would be me 

once i have gotten it all out 

the smoke and the ash and her dope and my naughty karma

washed it all out of my hair

i am certain to turn up somewhere 

if you must look

for me, look

in places people go to be forgotten 

whether they need to be or not 

(2)

that would be me stumbling out of an alley 

drunk, with the fear of god in my shoes 

the damn thing 

there are so many reasons to be joyous

instead i focus on that mistake 

or that one, or one of those times when i

was not enough, worst  

that time i said the most terrible thing 

i should speak her name in awe, reverence, and remember 

she often told me she wanted to die, 

she probably prefers it this way

i would prefer the same for myself 

don't worry, i'll be fine

i couldn't go anywhere 

even if i wanted to 

no more than i could get sober 

or please a woman

(3)

of course i’m on drugs

why the hell wouldn't i be?

how come you're not?

i don't think i like you 

i don't trust you at all

somewhere in our future 

waits the age when 

we are usually smiling and 

our addictions are paid up

fear actually forgotten 

the way we pretend it is now

(4)

there were some people

with small dicks and undersized clits and 

there were no eggs to be found anywhere 

they made sure people knew 

they had no fondness for fun

they had no truck with that kind of shit

somehow, however 

people still found a way

to enjoy themselves 

and love each other

the folks yelled “drugs!!”

the fun police muttered something about hugs

then they wandered about, aimlessly 

for a while

before all together they fucked off 

to an unknown location 

where they say they plan to talk amongst themselves 

for a while 

and i know you're waiting for the ironic ending

and i know you're waiting for the punchline

and i know you're waiting for the drugs to come by

so am i

so am i

(5) 

when the damn thing did not blow 

we stood around idly for a bit

kicking things at random 

unsure of what to do with ourselves 

eventually we just kind of wandered off

we needed 

to find more drugs

so we did 

 waiting for the drugs to come by

so am i

so am i

(5) 

when the damn thing did not blow 

we stood around idly for a bit

kicking things at random 

unsure of what to do with ourselves 

eventually we just kind of wandered off

we needed 

to find more drugs

so we did 

In which Jeffrey, our hero, goes on far longer than people usually let them , continue past the point where cognitive brains cease functioning for a ways, then sits down and make jokes about your mom. Really, if anybody has made it this far you should probably just read the poem and move on

It is 6:55 in the morning, I am fucking hammered, and all's right in my world.

I've been on a writing tear since October. I've been writing all kinds of ridiculous nonsense. I am trying to remember if I wrote one about how Kurt Cobain had sexual fantasies labout Kurt Vonnegut bcuZ he had a grandfather fetish. 

 Or maybe the world doesn't actually really need that. Or it doesn't deserve it. Whatever

Christ, I am really unhinged right now. Actually, that gets us back to this poem. for a while I've been using heavy amounts of intoxicating substances consistently and around the clock.the longest I'll go without consuming something is maybe two or three hours when is about as long as I ever pass out. I've been at this for months.

I'm not proud. Or maybe I am. I don't know. What I can tell you is that very likely I will have to come down eventually. I spend entirely too much time thinking about this, I wish I could stop.

.

I hope I've learned my lesson about fucking around with sobriety. It's one of the biggest red flags someone can have. It declares incontrovertibly and very loudly that a person is very much Not Fucking Ok.

Now then. Enough of my bullshit. here's a dumb poem. I think it's about drugs or something related. Almost all of them are these days. I should do another post about that soon.

Too many typos? fuck it. Embrace entropy. You are almost certainly a shambling wreck of a human being who is desperately trying to appear like they have their shit together, but it's not working and you look miserable trying to do that. 

You should still know your limits, kids.

don't get high because you love life

 love life bcuz you get high 

“I hope someone is laughing” 

(ha)

darling, i don't like saying this 

but, probably, i should have taken less 

angels are comeing in my brain right now

but i'll be there before morning 

after a person gets high for the first time

it takes time to understand

then more to accept 

they may have invited some real bad shit in

most people who notice a rapist in the dark 

will think twice

before spreading their legs in the same place again 

not us tho 

my friends and i 

we will double down on our bullshit 

we treat the poison 

and the cure 

as the same thing 

mix it into vodka, drink deep

when we drank from the well 

we saw god 

so mnext we tried to fuck the well

it made sense at the time

and, of course, the well fucked us 

right back, and worse

there's a moral here, kids 

if you come to, and 

you're naked

in downtown portland 

with a police dog's dick in your ass

you should not be too surprised 

(no ha)

when I'm taking a lot 

i try to anticipate the problems 

i will very soon create for myself 

I own my own shit 

i throw jokes around 

until I can't distinguish what's sarcasm 

what's serious 

why everyone seems on edge and irritated 

a day will come

my jokes will no longer make me smile 

there will be nothing left 

but consequences 

i will embrace them

I hope then i will finally be able to forgive myself 

when finally i fall

all the way down 

for the very last time 

i hope that at least 

someone is laughing 

but if someone is still laughing 

it certainly ain't me