Tuesday, March 19, 2013

"Why would I wanna die?"

 Here are two new poems that I'm still unsure of. The first was inspired by this: http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/alowell/bl-alowell-patterns.htm  
The second poem, Joanna is a character that has shown up infrequently.. I think she's been prominently featured in two other poems and mentioned in one other. This might be her last appearance which makes me sad.

“patterns # 2 (amy lowell looking over my shoulder)”

come summer i will stay indoors, i will
pace the living room and irritate the cat
i will take new lovers and
be frustrated by the heat until
evening comes and cools
my apartment for a few hours

if i should stray outdoors
it will be for brief journeys
 to acquire necessary essentials
whomever i’m sleeping with will lay naked in my bed
she will fuss with her hair, i will
simply sit and watch her move

if fall should ever return,
 i will revel in new arrogance, i will
take no new lovers, i will take
my independence out of the pawnshop i
will forget about fear i
will even leave the house occasionally

but now, summer is coming
i lay awake dreading its return
my stomach is unsettled and my beard is unkempt
but i will remember each kiss
like the first kiss
in my imagination, where
i live, i am never alone


see joanna at 40:
all of her friends are gone
her husband is doing
the mid-life macarena
couple pounds of cocaine and
a half dozen waitresses, by now
maybe if she were interesting
she’d be able to survive

jo chews the skin around her fingernails
and whispers lullabies to herself
in and out of quiet
she sits with her modern housewife decor
and doesn’t think of anything
the things she dreamt of
in her teens and twenties
have all come to pass
turns out her prayers were hollow

even the brightest hope
learns how to fray
even the dullest bulbs
give off a little light
joanna’s life
has reached its crescendo
this is where she will stay
until she expires

it’s so sad, the things that go uncelebrated
little victories become forgotten because of larger fires
even just  a few years of happiness
is a brittle dream to most of us
traumas be come unsettling and lives fall back apart
quicker than you can remember the catalyst
if you catch someone shaking, stay with them
provide a little warmth for as long as you’re able

Sunday, March 3, 2013

"But our silence was a concern.."

This is brand new. I'm very fond of it. It's in my usual disjointed, verses seemingly barely connected style. The verses are of course very much connected, but per usual, only I know how. If you can guess where the title came from, you win a prize. Really, it shouldn't be that hard..

“damned damned damned”

a shot of heartache hit me like the sun
it broke up the monotony
 i had been happy for a while
it reminded me to shake my fist at the sky
to get mad at nothing
because that’s all that matters

i make jokes behind your back
because you’re no longer around,
but your presence remains
if i missed you as much as i want to miss you
i wouldn’t be writing, i’d be crippled on the floor
i wept for your benefit, not my own

i hope for new accidents
for things to suddenly get exciting again
that small moment
 before the cracks start to appear
is the only moment i want to live in
even still, that moment might not exist

you never think about
how fragile finite things are
even after you’ve seen a few things broken
but those memories recede, just
long enough for you to hurt yourself again
but maybe if beauty didn’t end in tragedy, it wouldn’t be any fun