"everything is peaceful love"

It's been 2 years since I've posted anything here, what the fuck.

The first thing I recently found in a folder of unfinished stuff . I looked at it and I immediately knew how to finish it, which was cool. I believe I started thinking about this poem in late '21 but the word file is dated January '22 so who knows. The title is a reference to a Leonard Cohen song but it could also be a reference to a John Cale song.

“joan of arc #2”

i wouldn't set myself on fire for money

but i could do it 

As a form of entertainment 

when onlookers will appear

plz comfort the women

they may be overwhelmed by grief

i wil burn away into pain, then light

i wanted to do this alive

I tried to show the world how bright I could burn, but

 it responded by trying to hurt me

can't wait for another road, wait around 

for a better revolution

i can set myself on fire, and 

take my chances in the next life

†*********

I started working on this second piece last year on my phone. I had to do it intermittently over the course of a few months. I think I'm satisfied with it now. 

“a nice syringe*

(1)

the only thing for me to do 

is to be sad and desperate 

i've been waiting forever 

for things that will never come

so i cling to anything

that there is to cling to

amphetamines under my fingernails 

alcohol working through my guts

if i give you the drugs 

will you let me sleep

for a little while longer ?

talk to me about the war 

it's now or never 

i may be going away

for forever 

i will not fight for love again 

i will prefer to die in vain

did i not tell you i was sleeping 

oh, i also asked you to talk to me 

(2)

where do we expect the dead to go ?

it's not as if we don't suffer like them

we all stumble about 

and hurt constantly 

it's easy to die alone, what's harder 

is to stay vigilant 

to live for something other than ourselves

if we revel in death

what else do we have left?

it's unfortunate

your obsession 

with an interventionist god 

but i can't find fault 

in your need to feel something 

everyday we find 

new things to be afraid of 

as if we don't 

already have enough 

(3)

take a nice syringe 

fill it with something blasphemous 

put it in my neck 

i will see God or 

i will see the devil 

but at least 

i will see something else

i must sleep

before I wake up 

i want to forget the war 

for a while longer 

to go to a place 

where nothing exists 

a place where I don't miss her

every single second

it is always her face 

the first thing that comes to me in dreams  

we never 

had each other the way we should have

that was s a dream 

as well